The Wizarding World’s Alternate voice.
Half-truths, denials and more lies
The Ministry has finally decided to break the silence. After weeks of public pressure, they recently released a new Public Service Announcement regarding The Calamity and some related incidents.
This time, they finally acknowledge many beasts have disappeared from facilities. However, they still refused to tell the truth about what happened last october at Basement Level 4, which houses the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures. What is worse, they used this announcement to once more call on all witches and wizards to enlist here.
‘No one from Level 4 seems to remember a thing, which is quite suspicious. They all seem so different, as if they are Polyjuiced or under the Imperio Curse.’
In our first report we mentioned some unlawful detentions and disappearances. SInce then, it seems every worker of Basement Level 4 is back to work. Our source has assured us, however, that they all have been acting strangely. Every last one of them claim to remember nothing of the week surrounding the event.
Beasts are acting strangely
There have been reports of Hippogriffs loose in Muggle London, Augurey attacking the Ministry Ball or Thestrals going missing. In fact, we have recently received an extremely disquieting letter from another one of our readers:
A Niffler is Ruining My Reputation!
I decided to contact The Quibbler because I have nowhere else to turn.
Now, I know I haven’t lived the most honest of lives, that is the truth. There were times when, pressured by those I once called friends, I might have broken the law a time or two. Or bent it at least. The black market is an appealing place, after all.
But in these last few years I have turned my life around. I currently have a good job, started a new relationship, and have been doing my best to become a respectable wizard.
All was going great until The Calamity.
One night, almost two months ago, I was in a Fantastic Beasts Research Facility. I was there for entirely innocent reasons. I love watching those animals, and the facility doesn’t allow public visits. As I was getting closer to an Acromantula nest, there was a loud sound and all the habitats opened at once. A second later every last beast had disappeared.
I immediately Apparated back home, and waited to hear news about what had happened. What I didn’t notice at the time was that something else had hitched a ride.
Soon, things around the house began disappearing. Jewellery, silverware…they all seemed to vanish into thin air.
But unfortunately, it wasn’t limited to my house. The same happened with my friends and family. Every time I visited them, some of their belongings invariably disappeared. And the worst problems came at work, when merchandise also started to go missing. My employers, knowing about my previous “profession” believed I was stealing.
I soon became desperate enough to set a trap: I left a golden chain watch in the middle of the living room and hid behind the sofa, wand at the ready. Then the watch began to move, although I could see nothing near it. After a few stunned seconds, I cast a Revelio charm that allowed me to see the culprit for a moment. It was a Niffler.
Since then, the Niffler has become even more daring. No one can see it and I haven’t been able to catch it and use Revelio on it again. I am desperate and need your help, Mr Lovegood. My girlfriend found another woman’s necklace under the bed, my employers might fire me. My mother thinks I stole her wedding ring. I don’t know what to do.
A desperate Wizard.
The Naughty Niffler
We have received many reports of beasts with uncharacteristic behaviour or seemingly invisible breaking into wizarding homes. Earlier this month Mr Fletcher shared with us how a Fire Salamander burned his home to the ground. Then Ms Marsh asked for help finding her missing Thestral. Now Mr Desperate Wizard tells us an invisible Niffler is following him around, ruining the reputation he’s worked so hard to restore. And still the Ministry offers no help.
So here, at The Quibbler, we will share a few ideas on how to stop this Niffler.
- Contact a Magizoologist: Many experts are aware of The Calamity‘s effects on magical creatures and would love a chance to explore this Niffler’s behaviour (and invisibility.)
- Contact the Ministry: Although the Ministry has generally ignored witches and wizards who claim The Calamity has affected them in some way, it is still wise to have them open an investigation or at least a file, and this might help save your job.
- Set a trap: Nifflers are intelligent -and wily- creatures, you were able to catch him in the act before, so try to do it again. Only this time the goal should not be to see it, but to stun and capture it.
- Lace your belongings with Sleeping Drought: If the Niffler is too fast for a spell, try this instead. Leave shiny belongings lying around, but make sure they have all been dipped in a sleeping potion. Then wherever you find an object out of place you should have the time to cast a wide Revelio charm and find the nifty Niffler.
If any of our readers wishes to share their own thoughts, they are welcome to do so by sending an owl to our offices or using the magical insta-reply option at the bottom of the article.
And above all, stay alert!
Remember: keep your eyes peeled, your ears open and your wands ready.
Accio Wizards Unite